I think as much as it hurts to loose someone I felt I was head over heels with, I know that saying if you love someone let them go. And I had to do that, things once again weren't working, I was slowy riding on an emotional rollercoaster following his up's and down's and it was taking a toll on me mentally and my emotion level wasn't doing well. I still love him, and I know i'll never forget him, I feel i'm writing this as its a goodbye forever, yet I don't think it will. I don't think we will completely erase each other out of our lives, and I think we have the chance to one day be wicked friends again.
I know this strecth is going to be hard but I need to focus on all the positive things that came out of it, and the positive things still to come in my life. I had the most amazing friendship with him for 3 years, and a relationship for a year and half. In those times I got to meet one of the most incredible people ever. Full of life, and laughter, stories, and tones of experiences, with the thrill and want to do anything. The only downside he wasn't able to realize this, and see the good he had in him. I think I realized now that maybe I thought I would be able to change that. I thoguht I was a positive person, full of life and adventure, that hey i'll help. And I think Thats where I was wrong. You can't change people, people have to want to change themself and within their own will power. My mom put it, in good terms she said, "Steph, i'm sure he does care about you...but he doesn't care enough about himself. How do you expect someone to love you if they don't love themselves." Life's long....really long, and I know that the right thing has happened. Sure as I have my days of being upset, I wont think this, but I do. I think that he needs this, and that one day he will be content with everything and meet someone who doesn't need to change him, and can just be happy. He can finally be happy.
Yeah, it sucks now that it wont be me, but I have a huge life ahead of me, that its very positive I will meet someone else. A scary thought, but yes, its possible hehe. And then I will as well be happy, and i'll have him to thank. I'll know that he changed me. He made me become a better person in a relationship, become more open about my life and dreams, the things I want in a relationship. I talked more, tried new things, man theres a million things I could thank him for. But mostly, I want to thank him for that feeling, that feeling of being loved, and having that first love effect. This is only a stepping stone for a future, I can not wait to endure.
Just remember life is long, there will be ups and downs, your first love and your last. Whatever it is and whenever it comes, just laugh it out!. Live each day to its fullest, and have fun. I lived, I learned, I laughed, and I loved. And I will take that with and continue to live, learn, laugh and love!
No comments:
Post a Comment